An eclectic collection that made us pause for thought.
When a man opens a car door for his wife, it’s either a new car or a new wife.
As I sat, strapped in my seat waiting during the countdown, one thought kept crossing my mind … every part of this rocket was supplied by the lowest bidder.
I love a shag in the breeding season.
Definition of Social Media: A window for narcissism
Eternity is awfully long, especially near the end.
If governments don’t take care of food security and we leave it to the big private companies, we are going to be in for a very nasty surprise.”
A liberal is a man who leaves the room when the fight begins.
I would feel rather more rested after a two-week break if I didn’t have to take myself on holiday with me.
Physics is not a religion, If it were, we would have a much easier time raising money!
John Humphrys is the sort of man who, if you lent him five grand and then didn’t see him for some years, you’d think it was money well spent.
I was fined £60 for straying into a bus lane for five seconds. I thought I’d go to Oxford Circus and lie down for four hours today and get my money’s worth.
The best thing about the Earth Is if you poke holes in it oil and gas comes out.
You are never going to be younger or healthier than you are now.
Preserving a facade and rebuilding a new building behind it is like keeping your dead grandmother’s false teeth on the mantelpiece in her memory.
I’m very much down to earth, just not this earth.
People who think they know everything are profoundly annoying to those of us who actually do.
Mother to 4 year old daughter: “Why are you crying?”
Daughter: “I’m a child and I am meant to cry.”
Not to find joy in difference is a surrender to ignorance.
Dates are the pegs on which to hang your history
Prejudice, a dirty word, and faith, a clean one, have something in common: they both begin where reason ends.
When a thousand people believe some made-up story for a month – that’s fake news. When a billion people believe it for a thousand years – that’s a religion.
Questions you cannot answer are usually far better for you than answers you cannot question.
Clichés are where the truth goes to die.
La démocratie est le système le plus bottom up de la terre. (Democracy is the most bottom-up system in the world)
Jewish imagination is paranoia confirmed by history.
I regard the brain as a computer which will stop working when its components fail. There is no heaven or afterlife for broken-down computers; that is a fairy story for people afraid of the dark.
A widow in search of a new man should look for one who has a full head of hair – and a full bank account.
My expectations were reduced to zero when I was 21. Everything since then has been a bonus.
Work gives you meaning and purpose and life is empty without it.
You enter time when you enter a town – you rush through it. In a village time enters you slowly, naturally.
Wall Street wants to combine its experience with the clients’ money and turn that into Wall Street’s money and the clients’ experience.
At Kew on the right bank of the river, man created a garden of Eden, at Brentford on the left, he created a Hell.
Our backs have to be against the wall before we can read the writing on it!
I’ve been able to have a very relaxed philosophy, which is to enjoy yourself as much as you can without damaging other people.
A Palestinian and an Israeli asked God whether there would ever be peace between them. He replied “Of course, but not in my lifetime.”
“It was so cold in Ottawa last winter that I even saw a lawyer with his hands in his own pockets!”
“I never wanted to be old, but I couldn’t stop it.”
The day you are not angry any more, you are getting old and you will die.
Religion is the frozen thought of man out of which they build temples.
Indecision is the key to flexibility.
“Did you have a good holiday?”
“Well, there’s no point in having a bad one, is there.”
(Overheard on a ship-to-shore radio, Doubtful Sound, New Zealand.)
Christmas Day – that special day for spending with those we love – or,failing that, our families.
People who live by a riverside have always two pleasures to command: they can look both upstream and down.
“Available” means “Not Unavailable”.’
Definition in a PFI contract prepared by a City law firm.
I used to think I would like to be rich, but now that I’ve met some rich people I’m not so sure about that.
I always respect other people’s opinions, even when I think they are talking bollocks.
Definition of a Commission: “A group of men that keep minutes and waste hours”
Definition of a lawyer: “A lawyer is like a rhinoceros – shortsighted, thick-skinned, and ever ready to charge”.
If a law is of such a nature that it requires you to be the agent of injustice to another, then I say, break the law.
Overheard at a funeral: “Are you a friend of the corpse?”